this sad and angry feeling

As much as I hate to say this, I think I'm not a very likeable person. My insecurities about friendships being superficial came true. Maybe it's not a causal effect, I guess I've a main part in it. I've so many tickets to sell for the upcoming competition but none of my so-called closer friends is coming. Now I know crying doesn't help. I guess I really have a damn screwed-up life. So many people come and go in my life. Most of the time they leave in a drama. Is it because I never bothered clearing up misunderstandings which led to the eventual break down of friendships? Or is there something really wrong with my character? I've this friend who had been really great. Especially in helping me deal with a break up at the lowest point of my life. But he became a compulsive borrower and worst of all, he used my name to go around borrowing from friends. The final straw came when he told me his mum's dead and out of sympathy and true concern, I went round collecting baijin for him. Just to realise that it's all a lie. Because of this, I guess I lost a good girlfriend whom I used to hang out a lot with. I dunno if it's because of this misunderstanding over the compulsive borrower but that's the last time we ever kept in contact (being unhappy over the lie) Then there's this guy who claimed to love me but went round backstabbing me to all our friends/acquaintances when I rejected him. Looking like the poor victim, he managed to give me a really bad name, saying that I played him out and so on. I really had enough of it and I was so so so glad when he got a girlfriend and finally stopped pestering me, but the backstabbing has not stopped till date. (I heard) To the stupid audience who only hear his one-sided story, HEAR MINE! He bloody tried to rape me in more than one occasion. And did so many despicable things that you people will never ever know. He was so afraid I'll tell his current girlfriend that he denied ever trying to rape me. THANK GOD I'M NOT RAPED BY YOU. I CAN MAKE YOU SUFFER IN JAIL IF I WANT TO. AND I CAN CALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND TELL HER WHAT YOU DID TO ME, JUST LIKE WHAT YOU DID TO MY EX-BF YEARS AGO. I CAN BACKSTAB YOU JUST LIKE HOW YOU DID TO ME ALL THIS WHILE. I CAN THREATEN YOU JUST LIKE HOW YOU DID TO ME BEFORE. BUT IT WILL MEAN WASTING MY WHOLE LIFE GETTING ENTANGLED WITH A JERK LIKE YOU. IT'S FUCKING NOT WORTH IT BECAUSE MY LIFE IS MORE PRECIOUS THAN YOU, LIAR. I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR FACE BY LYING TO EVERYONE THAT YOU QUIT THE AIR FORCE. BUT I CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW DUMB YOUR FRIENDS CAN BELIEVE YOU THAT QUITTING THE AIR FORCE IS EASY WITHOUT PAYING THOUSANDS OF DEBT TO BREAK THE CONTRACT. I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW DUMB PEOPLE CAN GET. NOW I KNOW WHY I NEVER WASTED ANY EFFORT TO TRY TO EXPLAIN FOR MYSELF TO YOUR DUMB FRIENDS. PLEASE TOTALLY GET OUT OF MY LIFE YOU DOUBLE-FACED LYING JERK. Such a despicable, spiteful and conniving rat and yet I'm SACRIFICED to fit the story of a heartless and cold bitch who played him out, made a damn-devoted-poor-guy-who-waited-for-me-since-sec1 out of him! Sadly, the Satan triumphed. I was relegated to the bottom of hell by many people whom I thought were my friends. See how superficial friendships can get. Down in the ruts. Can I be this unlucky all my life? To meet a flirt who robbed me of my dignity and made all my sacrifices for him worthless. To meet a close friend-turned-compulsive-borrower and made me like a stupid loan-guarantor for our common friends To meet a conniving jerk. I've endless to say about his character so it'll take forever to analyze this aspiring rapist. If there's a past life, I must have been really evil to meet so many people out to make me suffer in this life If there's a God, he must have been really stringent in testing my tenacity. If there's Satan, I'm sure he comes in the form of all these people. At the end of the day, I can only blame myself for not making the right choice when making friends. And prior to this, I have turned into this distant and cold girl who's afraid to make a really close friendships out of people around me. I'm sorry if as my friend, you never feel treasured. Cos in my life so far, I never had a friend who really treasured me.

I love my lecturer.

I like John Elliot. He's so intelligent he can shame anyone. He makes such clever jokes that he puts Jack Neo to shame. I like him so much. He's so inspiring that it's infectious. Total Respect for this dear old man.

My tuition kids

My kids.. They are such a bunch of restless and mischievous rascals who can suck up all the energy any adult has! But still, I adore them because they bring so much joy to me! I guess I will not ever marry anyone who does not like kids. LOL Here are my precious gems! I really wish they'll do well in the coming exams! My cutest Jillian asked me for an ice-skating outing in the sweetest manner. Miss Yen, can we go ice-skating? Have you never been there before dear? No lah, I just want to laugh at you when you fall. pengs..

Shopping Day

Happy National Day! Never had such a lonely National Day before! Went shopping alone. Spent more than 500 today! arrgh!! There goes my shopping curb again! Bought my skincare from Clarins. Feel the pinch man.. The night cream alone cost 100 bucks. :( Collected my spectacles today.. Haiz, another 350 gone. I hate my eye infection! It's the most cumbersome thing in the world.. Had to apply eye drops every three hours and eye GEL every 6 hours. I hate the eye GEL, it stings my eye each time I apply it. What's the most annoying of all? The doctor told me that I can't put on contact lenses for a few weeks! Arrgh.. WHY IS IT THE MOST ANNOYING THING IN THE WORLD? Annoyance 1: I can't play vigorous sports. Not that I'm an avid sports person, but I can feel the annoyance when I played badminton with my tuition kids yesterday. I jumped up and down so violently that my spectacles almost fell off. The rest of the time is, well, spent on refraining from being too active in playing. Only losers like me will try to be less active in playing sports. -.- Annoyance 2: I look like a nerdy geek! Grrr.. This is what I wish for.. Refer to Annoyance 3. Annoyance 3: ALL my students said I look like an Ah Ma! What the hell! That's also when I had enough and gave my 4 year-old spects early retirement. It kept sliding off cos it's loose and old and it makes me look like an AH MA. Pengs. Here's my new spectacles! :) Annoyance 4: Slave Yap and my family doctor say I look pretty with spects. Why am I annoyed then? Cos they accentuate the fact that the rest of the world think otherwise. sobs Annoyance 5: Photoshoot on 16th August, Sat. I seriously have not seen anyone wearing geeky spects with bikini in a photoshoot. Damn. I really need to wear my contacts. Annoyance 6: EYE DROPS AND EYE GEL EVERY NOW AND THEN Enough has been said about this I guess. Annoyance 7: I look spastic when I alight from very cold buses. Cos my spects will turn very misty and for a moment I'll pause to allow it to clear and block the way. And the list goes on.. Anyway, this made my day today.. JOKE OF THE DAY When I was about to pay for my super exorbitant bikini at newurbanmale today, the flushed staff came to me and asked in the most polite way, "Have you seen the bottom of the bikini you just tried?" Immediately I protested said I wouldn't wanna only take the bottom.. yadee yadee. I was getting a lil annoyed when I realised that I was still wearing it. I don't think I should save the face and leave with a guilty conscience. So, I plucked up all my courage and told them sweetly that I was wearing it. Arrgh!!! I hurried into the changing room to change out of it and return it to them. Not surprisingly, I heard soft giggles when I was taking it out. They definitely don't think I intended to take it since I bought the exact piece which's new. So so so EMBARRASSING la!!! At least I didn't allow my mighty pride gets in the way! My new love. Tata.

whines

Whine #1: FATS I attribute it to the Genting trip. Goodness! I think I've put on at least 3 kg over the 3 days of gorging on 7 meals a day, approximately. Worst of all, The crazy Roy came up with the "drink water if you lose" games every night. Imagine my poor bloated stomach retiring for the nights without resting!! Arrgh. What a holiday! On the side note, it's pretty fun. Especially for a workaholic like me. I can finally take some time off to rest. Whine #2: EYE INFECTION But my eyes are hurting like crazy. That's why I've been damn moody throughout the trip.. I'm gonna see the doctor tomorrow. Finally after procrastinating for a week. But I don't wanna be slapped with an eye infection though I'm pretty sure it's one. I don't wanna spend a bomb going to the eye specialist And getting my poor eyes to go through tests and tests. After hearing my EVIL future bro-in-law's impersonating the eye specialist's procedure on eye infections, I'm freaking scared of eye specialists! Whines whines whines. I'll be good my eyes. Please don't give me any infection. My photoshoot is on 16th Aug! -.- Whine #3: SCHOOL The freaking term starts again. It never fails to amaze me how I can be annoyed every start of the term over CORS. Really freaking annoying. Seriously, you don't expect a 4th year student still whining over not winning any modules. And for God's sake, I've been whining for the past 3 years. Time flies like mad.. I have not gotten over how CORS made me cry like a baby in year 1.. Arrgh.. this is pure torture. Sorry my dear blog, you're my number one love for being a whining outlet. Your mere existence holds such importance in my life man. Love you!