Monday, October 6, 2008

Chronic Fatigue, will it kill?

I swear I've never felt so tired in my entire 22 years on this Earth. The last straw came when I couldn't move an inch when I woke up from my nap during lesson today. My friends have to "un-cramp" my body parts to ease the stiffness in me. Tears roll down my cheeks as I had never felt anything like this before. Have I reached the end of the road? I used to be able to stay awake without sleeping 3 days straight to play mahjong. Sigh.. I guess I've passed the limits of what a 22-year old body can take. I finally understand what Slave Yap has been going through. It's called "burnt out" in psychology, a concept I never identified with until today. I've always been tired, teaching 6 days a week and getting by with mediocre grades in school. Catching up with friends and family can be considered the precious moments with whatever time I can squeeze out of my packed schedule. "ME" time? I don't even have time to think about it, let alone the last time I indulge in it. This is really the climax. Sleeping for one hour almost everyday for the past week, juggling my kids' PSLE, children's day preparations to making last minute overnight attempts to finish my 5000 word term papers and studying for tests due on Saturday and Monday mornings. Who can be in a worse plight than I am!? Then I think of Slave Yap, my fellow prisoner-of-war in this academic struggle. He's taking 7 modules (I'm struggling with 6) Has a thesis to excel in (for his first class honors) Has to moonlight doing tuition to pay debts And sometimes taking out time to help me in school work and coach my kids. Thinking about the relative suffering he is undergoing just makes me feel better. I know I'm evil, but I can only make do with consoling myself this way for now..

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