Tuesday, July 28, 2009
This scary man
I did this wedding album cover some time ago for someone whom I thought was a friend. I have to rant here because I need to get it off my chest. This person who almost ruined the first half of my life came to me and asked me to forgive him as he is also saved by Jesus. I did and the next moment, he came knocking on my door in the middle of the night even after I firmly said NO to going out for supper with him. He told me he wanted to do business with me but seriously, why will you wanna discuss about business at 3am on a cold freezing night? I was naive enough to take on the assignment given by him out of goodwill to help him with his new venture. Only charging him the material fees of the layout, I had a hard time meeting him up for the album that I've to alter. After I've altered it, I realised I ran out of the MM swirl wedding paper to do the backing of the album so I told him that I had to delay passing the album to him. He started to rant about how unprofessional I was and I was like, Fine, you can have the incomplete album first while I source for the paper. I painstakingly went to all the scrapstores I can find in Singapore to get the paper but to no avail. So I told him I'm going to order it from Two peas from US and the shipping will take about a fortnight. I paid quite a sum for shipping but all I cared about was to get the job done. Little did I know, the integrity of being a responsible scrapper was ill-deservingly slapped with the rude events that followed. I called him the moment I received the parcel and immediately arranged for a date to meet. It was fixed on the next day and he pulled out a few hours before the set time. Then we arranged for a time the next day but I overslept. It was not my intention but I was way too tired after working on rushing out a newsletter for my tuition kids. I apologized profusely and asked to meet again. For the next few meetings that were supposed to take place, he stood me up with excuses such as his gf was driving his car so he couldn't get out without a car; he had an appointment with other people and etc etc.. I had enough! Before I get really impulsive, it being my very nature since young, I consulted my bf and close friends about what to do with him. They advised me not to work with him anymore but I insisted on one last chance. I sent him this message: Hey, if you are not able to meet me again tomorrow, I will not complete the work for you so it's fine if you do not pay me. Was I rude?!! Not at all, according to my survey of more than 10 people. Well you can tell me if I am rude here. By my standards, I deemed it right to send a pre-requisite so that I will not be taken for granted. This was what he replied: Please improve on your working attitude. I'm your client, not your worker. If you want to be rude, I can always look for someone else to do the job for me. I was raged! For giving him one more chance so that he can break my heart. For hoping that he will one day stop hurting me. For wanting to patch up with him as one of the greatest commandments by God is to love your enemies. For letting my closed ones down as they've warned me countless times never to go near such a dangerous person. For knowing that there's a deep hole right in front of me and still putting my foot in it, thinking that it will miraculously seal up on its own. Seriously, can someone pour me with freezing cold water so that I can wake up and stop this dream of being purely friends with this man who has hurt me so much? Flashbacks of the scary things he has done in the past came back to haunt me. I remember him sitting real close to me in lectures during my jc days to 'test' if my then-bf will be jealous. I remember him waiting outside my class during recess to talk to me about being truthful to my then-bf about all the 'shameful' things I've done in my sec sch life. I remember him being angry when I didn't want to be his gf when he broke up with a gf of 3 years over me. The gf hates me btw. I remember him calling my then-bf to say all the nastiest things about me to him and asking him to break up with me. I remember being so frightened of him that I trembled each time he called or messaged me. Why didn't I remember all these scary things when I told him I've forgiven him? I'm sure I have mistaken God's will. I should forgive him but I should never have allowed him to come close to me. Not even a text message away. Not even an email away. Not even a call away. I've lost the guts to even hope that we can be just friends for this lifetime.