Genting Blues

All the excitement about going to Genting disappeared into thin air even before we embarked on the trip. I don't think the person who caused the problem to crop up is ever understanding enough to think for others. Sigh.. Now I made another person guilty just because he can't be a replacement due to school commitments. What's the independence I've always been fighting for? I just realised it's all bullshit. Because it just takes one selfish person to make the rest of the world suffer. I don't feel like going anymore.. Blues...

Love is selfish.

I've never seen such a self-centered girlfriend. And I believe my friend doesn't deserve one. But to my dismay, he's sadly another "xiao nan ren". Being a feminist, I'm definitely not for the idea of having a man less than me. Being the weaker sex, I only wanted an equality of some sort with mutual understanding between a couple. I know that's difficult to achieve but it's not impossible. Sometimes, I do wish that fools in love can be more rational. But then again, who am I to judge when I had such a miserable love life when I was younger?

This scary feeling

I fainted. It's such a scary feeling. It's scarier when it's not the first time I fainted. Sometimes I think I might just die of fatigue. The life of a workaholic. I've always thought of death as acceptable, Perhaps I'm too depressed when I was younger. Now, I froze when I think of death. I feel like I've so much to give to this world. Every time I look at useless people, I just can't help but sigh. Why waste their time away when they can do something meaningful? How good will it be if I can buy their time and make it my own. It's been a long time since I had tea at Delifrance along and enjoy a good read. It's been a long time since I had dinner with my family in full attendance. It's been a long time since I had time to play with my cousins. They are growing up so fast. Sigh.. On the side note, I wish i know the kind passer-by who brought me to the doctor and paid for it. Amnesia till I get home. This is what makes my loved ones worry when I'm out alone. Really sorry for worrying you people. Thanks Roy for asking me not to overwork. I think this is a wake-up call. Enough of really late nights and long hours of tuition!

A-not-so-surprising Surprise.

To the person who cares a lot for me, thanks for being so caring and thick-skinned to give me such a "surprise"! Yeah, I guess I've changed a hell lot but hopefully, it's seen as a desirable one. I will keep this book and cherish our friendship! I really appreciate that you want to be here for me. :) Anyway I still suffer headaches when I take buses and trains, and even cabs which are in manual gear. No choice cos I've anemia as certified by my doctor. Life's never smooth and sailing. I'm sure everyone else has his/her ups and downs. And I'm no exception. Just get used to my whines here! Cos this is an outlet for me to whine, whine and whine! lol I'm sure you'll make a very good buddy! (especially if you convert to being Arsenal fan. hehe) xoxo, wuling *Change is the only thing in this world that will never change* How true it is.

Why we love to drink

Why we love to drink.. Look at all these drunkards. They look so happy when they drink. I look happy when I drink rootbeer too. :) lol Why we look silly.. It's a headgear party! There are three burglars with beanies. (See Jing, Liony and Seow) One hip-hop wannabe birthday girl. (See lucky) One ah pek (See Sammi) One who wore the hairband since JC days (See Lumpy) One with an invisible head gear. One princess wannabe me One mental patient who thought that we're having a picnic (Fun :P) Make me act crazy with her. hahaha Why I love them.. They never let you down in good or bad times. Make you feel especially good on your birthdays (by ignoring you during photo-taking) Do crazy things like croaking like a duck during taboo and expect you to say Kermit the frog. Suggest punishments for losing in open numbers and kena all of them! Making the effort to call our ex tutor and hear him bitch about a bitch! Carrying you home when you're dead drunk, even when you vomit on them Sending you home when you're dead drunk, even when you call the kind soul a taxi driver and got slapped for it. Clearing up the mess together without any complaints! (Something I'll never get to see before I met them) Forgiving you for every bad thing you do, sadly not directly praising you for the good things you do. LOL At the end of the day, Just wanna remind myself not to take these wonderful friends for granted because I don't think I can do without them! :)

Regrets

Regrets... I've too many regrets. Every time I choose a way, I tend to look at the alternatives that I could have chosen. Today, someone told me that doing that will only slow me down. This scares me.

My fugly habit

I'm a perpetual latecomer. And even I myself have enough of that. It's just not suffice to say that I've a family culture of latecomers to cultivate this bad habit of mine, nor reasonable enough to say that my secondary school friends used to hold competitions to vie for the 'latest latecomer' award during outings. I just have to face it. Being incessantly late has caused me more distress than I thought. I thought that by being late for tuition, I could make up for the lost time by keeping the kids back. Wrong. I'm such a selfish tutor. Have I forgotten that the kids might have something on later? They make it a point to be early for tuition, but all I do is to keep them waiting. And releasing them late. It's not about giving more time. It just says a lot about what kind of a person I am. And the after effects of being late? Guilt, guilt, and guilt. Not only am I late for tuition. I'm late for scrapbooking classes which I paid dearly I'm late for outings with friends I hardly have time to meet up with I'm late for lectures and worst, tutorials I'm late for family dinners (my whole family's always late) I'm late for driving lessons (I overslept for the latest lesson) I'm late for appointments to salons or anything of that sort In fact, I'm late for every single appointment on my itinerary each day. I'm such a disappointing being, ain't I? Talk about living by my own principles. If I can't even correct this bad habit of mine, what principles can I ground myself on? This issue, has been bugging me for years. I need to change. It's a must.

Scrapbook outing with the kids!

I'm honestly overboard. I love scrapping so much that I organise a scrapbook outing for my kids. These lil rascals are a bundle of nerves to handle! From the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank Sandra, the instructor of the day, for managing the kids so well. She's a joy to talk to, to be with.. Gonna scrap something for her to thank her! :) All in all, it's quite a successful outing, except for the few crop-ups. The kids are generally well-behaved except for one irritating kid who kept bugging me to buy a hamster for her (which I've promised) and one crybaby (I shall not mention who). Sigh.. Kids = torment! Looking really excited about the scrapping.. Finally done with their first layouts! My favourite Shannon, the glutton with Andrea! Sandra, the nicest lady boss and friend I ever met! Cylene with her new hamster. Layout no. 2 completed. Messy Hair- Checked Distressed Sandra and Ms. Yen at the end of class. What a day!

Ben (Connie Talbot)

Ben, the two of us need look no more We both found what we were looking for With a friend to call my own I'll never be alone And you my friend will see You've got a friend in me Ben, you're always running here and there You feel you're not wanted anywhere If you ever look behind And don't like what you find There's something you should know You've got a place to go I used to say, 'I' and 'me' Now it's 'us', now it's 'we' Ben, most people would turn you away I don't listen to a word they say They don't see you as I do I wish they would try to I'm sure they'd think again If they had a friend like Ben (A friend) Like Ben (Like Ben) Like Ben I can cry a bucket of tears each time I hear this song. I wish I've a friend like Ben, to lean on when I'm sad, to laugh with when I'm happy.

Made WIth Love Day

I call today MWL day.

Cos I broke a record again. I literally camped in MWL for 12 whole hours! That's even crazier than what I did for the overnight crop (10pm to 7am) Today I completed my Masters class with Gladys, Lena and others. In between the class, we were going in and out of class, hoarding scrap supplies. Yummy snacks served during class! That's Me, Gladys and Lena! We pride ourselves as hoarders cos we buy more than we scrap! Arrgh!! I'm so so so guilty. Anyway, for my dear friends who have no idea what I'm currently mad about, Made with Love is my favourite scrap supplies store at Plaza Singapura. They have the nicest papers you can ever imagine, not to mention the exorbitant price tags that come along. What to do? Scrapbooking is really for rich tai tais or poor souls like me who have no husband to give financial support! I'm like cutting down on my clothes, shoes, skincare and everything I love Just to buy scrap supplies. To make nice scrapbook layouts and altered art. My loot today: $225 Bonus layout done during class It's such a joke cos I've never been an arty fatsy person. Even KIDS put me to shame with their doodles. Then again, who would've thought a slacker, who slept from the first lesson to the last lesson (skipping recess) in sec sch/jc, who earned Mr Naresh's "vuling, please get a withdrawal form from the office and check yourself out of MJC!", who would never do my homework other than at the benches outside class(was exempted from class due to good behaviour ;p) like yours truly to be such a dedicated tutor now??!! LOL Life, is so unfathomable. Hehe I'm really a dedicated one k, I'm bringing my tuition kids for a private scrapbook party (under their request) at MWL. My pocket hurts like crazy, it was bombed a grand total of $350 for the class alone. Hope the kids will have fun!! hee

berserk maid

Today, my maid went berserk. Not the violent mad, but the "holy" mad. In her final attempt to get out of my house to "go out", she dressed herself all in white, knelt in front of my mum and begged her to make my whole family into muslims. She apparently wanted to go to the mosque to pray to god to wash away all her sins. You should see how mad she is, taking deliberate small steps all the way to the maid agency below my house. Scaring my usually-domineering mum to tears. I think it's the first time my mum's defeated by a maid. What can I say? She's acting mad. Like we're idiots, she continued her acts, trying to run away twice at the agency when I'm not present. In front of me, she's intimidated. Cos I don't take any of her conniving acts. Stupid, conniving acts. I called the police to scare her, I threatened to send her to IMH. I have to say she's one tough nut. She refused to budge. But I got my deal. The useless police is only called in so that I can claim back the money she stole from us rightfully from her pay. That bitch. WASTED my whole friday. My students ended up paying games with my stand-in tutor instead of having proper lessons. I wanted to slap her so much but luckily I managed to keep my cool. Why should a qualified, educated person like me succumb to dirtying my hands on such people? She kept begging my mum to take her back and made up stories such as being instigated by someone else. Come on, why should we waste your talent? You should go back to Indonesia and join some acting contest. I'm sure to root for you. The most heartening highlight of the day: She smiled sarcastically at me when I gave her the pay, saying she's not crazy at all. At least I know she's not really mad. That bitch.

I'm actually unhappy

Sorry Slave, I know you tried your very best to make me happy today. But I just can't be happy these days. I'm the sort of unhappy-when-things-don't-go-my-way person, but most of the time, I want to be fair. I may be pissed when I'm criticized but I ALWAYS reflect on myself when I'm alone. I'm wrong when I bathe and sleep late in the wee hours. I'm wrong to study just days before my exams. But I don't think I'm wrong to work my butt off. I paid for my hp bills since sec2, do you? I never once take any pocket money during school vacation in my sec sch days, do you? I worked for months just to earn my dream phone in sec 2, do you? I paid for my own stationery, clothes and shoes since secondary school, do you? You said that I chose to work like a dog so I have no right to ask for money from Dad. Right. It has been agreed that Dad will pay for my contact lenses every half a year. Nothing else. I don't take a single cent from him for anything else, unless you count paying for my school fees. You don't work or study for more than a year, slack at home and still get your pocket money week after week. Never once did I confront you about slacking at home or still asking for money from Dad. What right do you have to say that of me? I feel so bullied. So what if I earn alot? That's because I worked damn hard, harder than anyone my age. I study till evening and still have to rush for tuition everyday till night. Sometimes I'll miss my meals, don't get to see any tv shows, don't get to do what I enjoy. Sometimes I have to sleep late at night, marking students work or doing my own school work. Every single cent is hard-earned. I am never rendered any help from you people, no matter how tired I am. I don't need any sympathy, neither do I need any unreasonable insults from you. I leave you alone when you refuse to work and still take pocket money shamelessly. All I want is for you to leave me ALONE too. You don't have to help me, I will appreciate it if you can leave me alone, really. I'm so fed up with this bloody parasite-feeding home. All you learn is to get things without working for it. I'm no parent so what can I say? As a psychology major, I can only call it indulgent parenting which will lead to negative life outcomes. As an elder sister, I gotta say I don't take unreasonable rantings as constructive criticism. As a daughter, I feel helpless that I can't help in any way. Maybe the best way for me to help is that I leave things as they are. Maybe, I should leave this unhappy house. I don't call a house without love a home. My motivation is earning my own keep, your motivation comes from "I'm still studying, so I can still take pocket money".

Happy day! :)

Today's happy day! relatively.. Woke up really late at 3pm. Dressed up and met Slave Yap for movie at Vivo. Gosh for the first time, I watched two movies in a week! Get Smart is quite enjoyable, quite alot of lame jokes. But "WANTED" is even better! It has such a nice twist and beautiful kick-ass actions from angelina jolie! Then we had dinner at this really nice Japanese restaurant called Hanabi. The food is served beautifully and the taste is fantastic! It's really a very nice place with good ambience. Haiz, today's so such much better compared to yesterday. Haven't been happy lately.. But I'm an optimist! Things can only get better because you've been through the worst. :)