Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I'm actually unhappy
Sorry Slave,
I know you tried your very best to make me happy today.
But I just can't be happy these days.
I'm the sort of unhappy-when-things-don't-go-my-way person,
but most of the time, I want to be fair.
I may be pissed when I'm criticized but I ALWAYS reflect on myself when I'm alone.
I'm wrong when I bathe and sleep late in the wee hours.
I'm wrong to study just days before my exams.
But I don't think I'm wrong to work my butt off.
I paid for my hp bills since sec2, do you?
I never once take any pocket money during school vacation in my sec sch days, do you?
I worked for months just to earn my dream phone in sec 2, do you?
I paid for my own stationery, clothes and shoes since secondary school, do you?
You said that I chose to work like a dog so I have no right to ask for money from Dad.
Right.
It has been agreed that Dad will pay for my contact lenses every half a year.
Nothing else.
I don't take a single cent from him for anything else, unless you count paying for my school fees.
You don't work or study for more than a year, slack at home and still get your pocket money week after week.
Never once did I confront you about slacking at home or still asking for money from Dad.
What right do you have to say that of me?
I feel so bullied.
So what if I earn alot?
That's because I worked damn hard, harder than anyone my age.
I study till evening and still have to rush for tuition everyday till night.
Sometimes I'll miss my meals, don't get to see any tv shows, don't get to do what I enjoy.
Sometimes I have to sleep late at night, marking students work or doing my own school work.
Every single cent is hard-earned.
I am never rendered any help from you people, no matter how tired I am.
I don't need any sympathy, neither do I need any unreasonable insults from you.
I leave you alone when you refuse to work and still take pocket money shamelessly.
All I want is for you to leave me ALONE too.
You don't have to help me, I will appreciate it if you can leave me alone, really.
I'm so fed up with this bloody parasite-feeding home.
All you learn is to get things without working for it.
I'm no parent so what can I say?
As a psychology major, I can only call it indulgent parenting which will lead to negative life outcomes.
As an elder sister, I gotta say I don't take unreasonable rantings as constructive criticism.
As a daughter, I feel helpless that I can't help in any way.
Maybe the best way for me to help is that I leave things as they are.
Maybe,
I should leave this unhappy house.
I don't call a house without love a home.
My motivation is earning my own keep, your motivation comes from "I'm still studying, so I can still take pocket money".
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