Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I'm actually unhappy
Sorry Slave, I know you tried your very best to make me happy today. But I just can't be happy these days. I'm the sort of unhappy-when-things-don't-go-my-way person, but most of the time, I want to be fair. I may be pissed when I'm criticized but I ALWAYS reflect on myself when I'm alone. I'm wrong when I bathe and sleep late in the wee hours. I'm wrong to study just days before my exams. But I don't think I'm wrong to work my butt off. I paid for my hp bills since sec2, do you? I never once take any pocket money during school vacation in my sec sch days, do you? I worked for months just to earn my dream phone in sec 2, do you? I paid for my own stationery, clothes and shoes since secondary school, do you? You said that I chose to work like a dog so I have no right to ask for money from Dad. Right. It has been agreed that Dad will pay for my contact lenses every half a year. Nothing else. I don't take a single cent from him for anything else, unless you count paying for my school fees. You don't work or study for more than a year, slack at home and still get your pocket money week after week. Never once did I confront you about slacking at home or still asking for money from Dad. What right do you have to say that of me? I feel so bullied. So what if I earn alot? That's because I worked damn hard, harder than anyone my age. I study till evening and still have to rush for tuition everyday till night. Sometimes I'll miss my meals, don't get to see any tv shows, don't get to do what I enjoy. Sometimes I have to sleep late at night, marking students work or doing my own school work. Every single cent is hard-earned. I am never rendered any help from you people, no matter how tired I am. I don't need any sympathy, neither do I need any unreasonable insults from you. I leave you alone when you refuse to work and still take pocket money shamelessly. All I want is for you to leave me ALONE too. You don't have to help me, I will appreciate it if you can leave me alone, really. I'm so fed up with this bloody parasite-feeding home. All you learn is to get things without working for it. I'm no parent so what can I say? As a psychology major, I can only call it indulgent parenting which will lead to negative life outcomes. As an elder sister, I gotta say I don't take unreasonable rantings as constructive criticism. As a daughter, I feel helpless that I can't help in any way. Maybe the best way for me to help is that I leave things as they are. Maybe, I should leave this unhappy house. I don't call a house without love a home. My motivation is earning my own keep, your motivation comes from "I'm still studying, so I can still take pocket money".